Chapter 12

When morning came the day they were leaving for Tokyo, it was to Cheeseburger stepping on Jun’s face, yelling right into his ear. She’d been restless all night, given how empty the apartment had now become. Jun himself had gotten maybe an hour and a half of sleep, staring into the ceiling where he lay on the floor wrapped in blankets. They’d gotten rid of every piece of furniture, almost all his items. The last few days had been a blur and when Juudai had asked him if he didn’t want to slow down, he’d been honest and let him know that if he gave himself a moment of spare time at this point, he would freak the fuck out. He needed to keep everything in order and all his time occupied or he’d have the biggest panic attack in his life. And he’d had some pretty major ones in his life so far, even though he hadn’t known to call it that as a child. Especially since his older brothers’ response had just been to mock him and call him weak instead of telling him what was happening and why he felt like he was being torn apart from the inside.

 

So there had been no time to even dwell on how they’d almost kissed, or how he was on his way to confront his brothers eventually. The night before he’d kept himself busy by sorting all the items they hadn’t managed to sell into piles of what to keep, donate or throw away. And once he’d gone through everything he went through his keep pile and made it even smaller. At half past two in the morning Juudai had woken up and caught on to what he was doing, stopping him from just straight up getting rid of everything that wasn’t the cat’s. In his anxiety he’d almost gotten rid of his damn cellphone.

 

So they spent the rest of the early morning watching videos on Juudai’s phone, until Jun had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Juudai had let him stay there until he too was sleepy again, and shifted so they were both lying down as comfortably as they could manage. Neither woke up until it was time for Cheeseburger to have her breakfast.

 

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The next few hours after waking up was spent packing up the rest of the stuff, bringing it to either shelters, second hand stores or recycling stations, and finally, cleaning the apartment. They didn’t slow down for a break until it was almost time for lunch, and Juudai decided to make a last meal before they left. He opted for pancakes, and they ate while sitting up on the kitchen counter, making Jun roll his eyes at how juvenile the action was but didn’t protest it more than that. Cheeseburger’s things were the last to be packed, and thankfully she was always easy-going about being in the carrier backpack, feeling like a little feline astronaut. She was insecure when she was outdoors on her own, so it was like a safetynet to be inside her backpack. She’d be more annoyed once she realised how long she’d have to be in there though.

 

With a last look to make sure everything was as orderly as they could possibly get it, Jun locked the door and dropped the key into his landlord’s mailbox. They started the walk toward the train station with two suitcases, a bag with cat food and other things they’d need during the trip, Juudai’s oversized travel backpack, and Cheeseburger’s space shuttle. The streets were fairly empty this time of day, most people at work or school, but a few people were out shopping or going to the station just like them. The train that would take them to the next train that would actually take them to Tokyo was only half an hour from departing, and it was a ten minute walk to the platform. With each step Jun could feel his heartbeat grow louder in his ears, and he gripped the suitcase tighter. His main source of comfort at the moment was the purring from behind him where Cheeseburger was watching everything pass by with her golden-green eye, but once they boarded the train and he moved the bag to his lap even sticking his fingers in to let her nuzzle them wasn’t enough and he felt himself spiralling.

 

What the fuck was he doing? Did he really think going back was a good idea? Why the hell would any of them even want him to come see them after so long? He knew it was his brain messing with him, he’d talked to Fubuki one more time the day before, and the older man had made sure that he knew that they were all excited for him to come back. But now that he had gotten rid of both his job, his apartment and all his things, it was all so real . He felt like he was going to throw up, and he had to hand the space shuttle cat bag over to Juudai to go to the bathroom, hand over his mouth. It was pure luck that the toilet was free, and as soon as he locked the door he was on his knees, vomiting. He could feel the tears spring up in his eyes as he heaved, even when there was nothing left but bile, making his throat hurt and his hands cramp in his effort to calm himself down.

 

He stayed in there for what felt like hours, but was only about 20, five of those spent rinsing out his mouth and trying to brush his teeth with nothing at hand but soap and his finger. It was disgusting but at least it got the taste of vomit out of his mouth. He splashed his face with water but gave up trying to not look like death when he returned to his seat next to Juudai. By that point he was exhausted, and didn’t have the energy to do more than lean against the window while Juudai watched him with concern in his eyes.

 

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The rest of the ride was somewhat easier. It was like he’d purged himself in the figurative sense at the same time as he did so in the literal sense, and he felt… numb. Like he was too tired to feel more at this point. He thought he heard a weird sound somewhere when he was teetering on the edge of sleep, but it must have been the train moving beneath him.

 

When he woke up again it was time to change trains, and he even had the energy to feel his face grow warm when Juudai took his hand to lead them to the right platform. It was a fairly long wait to board the second train, giving Juudai enough time to get him some toast. At this point it was the only thing his stomach could handle, and he felt so stupidly grateful by the gesture that he was on the verge of tears. It took everything he had not to start crying over god damn toast , and he was only saved by the train pulling up to the platform.

 

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Once they pulled into Tokyo station, Jun’s anxiety was rising again. He knew that they were meeting Asuka and Misawa at the station, and that Asuka had stopped Fubuki from coming as well. He was torn about Fubuki’s absence; he missed him something terribly, but it would be overwhelming enough to just have her and Misawa there. He honestly didn’t know much about their personal lives anymore, as neither of them posted that much about it on their social media, but the day before he’d learned that they used to be roommates. He would never have guessed that.

 

“Are you ready? They’re waiting at the main entrance by the parking lot. I told them you might want some extra time when we got here, they won’t be mad if we take a few minutes longer.”

 

Jun had to clear his throat and uncertainly gripped Juudai’s fingers again. He could pretend like he wasn’t freaking out internally again, but that would be pointless. Juudai seemed to have learned how to read him pretty well these past few days, so he no doubt already knew. “I…” His voice stuck in his throat and he cleared it again with more success this time. It still felt raw from the first train ride. “No, let’s do this now, it’s better to get it over with.”

 

That had Juudai pause, stopping to give him a concerned look. “Are you sure you wanna do this now? I know what you were doing on the first train. We can check into a hotel if you’re not ready, you know.”

 

“The longer I wait the worse it’s gonna get. Let’s just go already so I can get Cheeseburger out of her bag.” The cat was indeed getting agitated by now, scratching her little paw against the plastic bubble of her space shuttle.

 

“Okay.” Juudai took his hand, giving it a squeeze. He was about to let go when Jun gripped his hand tighter, lacing their fingers together. He avoided looking at Juudai when he saw him looking, his ears burning. He was thankful that the other didn’t comment on it, instead just smiling at him and leading the way through the station.

 

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The closer they got to the rendezvous spot, the more nervous he was becoming. He was dead set on not throwing up again; the first time he came face to face with his former crush (and Misawa) would not be wasted smelling like garbage. He didn’t like her like that anymore, but he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her more than he had to. He respected her too much for that, it’d be ridiculous!

 

Juudai caught sight of them first, and nudged Jun to give him a heads up. Jun felt his heart clench at the sight of two of his high school friends, his hand gripping Juudai’s so hard it almost hurt, but Juudai just gave a squeeze back, his thumb moving across the back of his hand. “Hey, Asuka, Misawa!”

 

The two finally noticed them, and Jun felt his breath hitch in his throat when he locked eyes with Asuka. He sucked in a sharp breath and looked away, but let Juudai lead them over to their high school friends.

 

“Hey, it’s so good to see you again, Jun. We’ve missed you.” It was a bit stiff, but she’d never really used his last name before, so it wasn’t odd for it to be. When he looked back at her there was warmth in her eyes, and his grip on Juudai’s hand relaxed a little as he tried to focus more on her than the loudness of his heart and the blood rushing in his ears.

 

“I’ve… missed you too.”

 

He noticed Asuka’s eyes move down to his and Juudai’s interlocked hands, and she smiled but didn’t say anything. It still made his cheeks and ears feel warm when she looked up to meet his eyes again.

 

“Can I hug you? I promised Fubuki I’d give you one in exchange of him not coming here and smothering you.”

 

He was a bit surprised at that. Asuka had never really wanted that much to do with him in high school (though he knew why, his insistence with his crush had been annoying, and he now knew that he’d been an idiot), but on the other hand, he knew it had probably taken Asuka a lot of convincing to get Fubuki to stay home. He loved the man, but it definitely would have been too much. It was overwhelming enough as it was, and he didn’t even know Misawa that well.

 

“I, yeah, sure, of course.”

 

She took a few steps forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He relaxed into her embrace, finally letting go of Juudai’s hand to hug her back. His nerves were starting to calm down, finally.

 

They were interrupted by a yowl, that startled Asuka back a step. Jun looked over his shoulder where Juudai was trying now trying to calm his cat down.

 

He looked over at Misawa. “Hope you’re not allergic to cats.”

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